For Part I, click here.
Confusion came over me as I made my way in slow motion to the steps. Walking across the stage toward the chair, I looked back at Todd in the audience and raised my eyebrows as if to say, Can you believe this? He sat relaxed, leaning back, arms folded. He raised his brows and smiled a calm, centered, loving smile. Yes, he could believe it. I felt buoyed. Took a breath.
Sitting down in the chair, I looked up at Esther, Abraham coming through her, and I noticed the eyes. I’d seen eyes like that before. On a retreat in the Colorado mountains, I attended a sacred Buddhist ceremony and the spiritual leader had eyes like that. Not in the day to day, but during the ritual. Glassy. Trance-like. Sparkly. Is this what enlightenment looks like?
When Esther/Abraham looked at me and nodded, I immediately wanted to cower. I felt like she/they (from here on out in referring to Abraham I will use the plural “they” since Abraham is said to be a conglomerate, not a single entity), could read my mind, and as soon as I wondered that, every inappropriate thing I could possibly think of flooded through me. A feeling of self-repulsion coursed through my body, rendering me unable to formulate what I wanted to say.
I blurted out something about having a vague sense of Riley’s soul wanting to be here, and of her having a part in choosing to be “how she is.”
Abraham asked, almost sarcastically,
“And how is that?”
I gulped. Felt like I might be in trouble.
The eyes now reminded me of the swirly spirals cartoon characters always get when they’re “hypnotized,” then I wondered if Abraham knew I was thinking that, and if they thought I was disrespectful. The random thoughts never stopped the whole time I was in the seat(about twenty minutes). Some of my thoughts were even sexual in nature which freaked me out. It was crazy. But at some point I “got it” that even if they could read my mind(which I’m still unclear about), they weren’t going to embarrass me. They weren’t going to punish me. At some point I concluded I was safe, and felt absolutely accepted, despite the thoughts zipping through my head. Back to Riley.
“She’s so sensitive,” I said. “She can barely tolerate being here.”
Abraham told me Riley made a deliberate decision to be here, and her sensitivity is her gift. They said, she is feeling the out of control overwhelmment with being compared with a lot of other people who she didn’t come forth to run a race with. They said there are souls coming forth in great numbers right now who are choosing to be “un-conformable,” because joy isn’t the norm in those types of experiences. (Side note, I heard a statistic the other day stating 80% of U.S. workers are unhappy in their jobs). Societies are trying to force “sameness” and these energies coming forth are determined not to be the same.
They said Riley is operating at a very high vibration. She feels things profoundly. I think about how when she’s stoked, her body shakes and her joy expresses itself in an arm tic. She experiences joy so acutely her physical body can’t contain it. They also said, she is intolerant of contradicted energy. She knows when she’s off kilter better than almost anyone. The contrast between Who She Really Is and what she is feeling in the moment is what makes her scream.
“Think about an all day every day sort of comparative experience where I don’t feel that I’m measuring up, that I’m not doing enough, I’m not good enough or I should be doing something differently. None of it is true, and the Source within her knows none of that is true, but when she lets those outside of her convince her that it is true, the resulting feeling is that knot in her stomach that is described as fear, but all it is, is discordant vibration, because she is not allowing herself to be Who She Really Is. She went to a lot of trouble to be born with a different intention. It is not that she can’t have a lovely life experience. It’s not that she’ll be the odd one out. It’s that she didn’t come to jump through the hoops in the way everybody else is jumping through the hoops. She came to let her life cause her to ask for things that she certainly has the ability to achieve and when she does she’ll be joyful. We would do everything in our power to take the comparison between what everyone else is doing out of the equation for her, and for you, and for everyone else. We would not be constantly comparing ourself against the results anyone else is getting because their results have nothing to do with you.
If she were left to her own devices she would find her way to joy, but most parents would then ask, Yes, but will she be normal? And we have to say, Who gets to decide what normal is?
The normalcy you are seeking is alignment with Source and we want to tell you some things that are normal, confidence is normal. Clarity is normal. Joy is normal.”
So how do we help her when she’s in those moments of fear? I asked.
Abraham said talking to her about fear while she’s in the thick of the fear isn’t helpful because she can’t hear you then. And if you try, you’ll most likely end up sinking right down with her.
They said to watch for moments of clarity. When she is feeling triumphant, point it out. When she is joyful point it out. This is who you are Riley. This is you.
The next thing they said made me weep. Some of the following is directly quoted, some is paraphrased for brevity.
Imagine being her, and you are afraid, and you look over and see parents looking at you and KNOWING your well-being, because they’ve practiced knowing Who You Really Are. They have worked at it (sometimes moment by fearful moment), but they have visualized it, they see it. What would it feel like, in a moment of fear to look in a loving parent’s eyes and see their absolute certainty about your well-being?
Compare that to being in a state of fear, and looking into your loving parent’s eyes, and seeing your own fear reflected back to you?
Now add to that all the people clamoring around trying to help her be a whole person when she already is one.
She’s come with a big message, and that message is I’M NOT BROKEN, LET ME BE!
Someone who knows they are not broken expands into more and more and more! Someone who is convinced they are broken because of the comparitive world they live in gets more afraid as they are trained into thoughts that defy Who They Really Are.
Stand in a place of security about your daughter. You cannot teach security from a place of insecurity. You cannot teach well-being from a place of fear.
She’s come forth to teach you the power of sensitivity, and when you sat down here, you spoke of sensitivity as if it were a deficit. As if it was something that is wrong with someone, and yet here you are, having the same fearful emotions.
You have to clean up your own vibration. Not for your daughter, but for you, and when you do, you will help your daughter.
That’s what she is here to teach you.
To be continued: