This is what Riley looked like when I started blogging in 2006. She was six years old.
Seth was four.
Over 3000 posts later (and many more never published), I feel it is time to stop.
Blogging has been a huge part of my life over these past few years. I needed it. I needed to express myself, and I needed the feedback from you lovely, lovely people. The kindness and support of my blog readers has buoyed me.
You donated roughly half the funds for Riley’s service dog. I know I already thanked every contributor personally, but again…THANK YOU. It is impossible to say how much comfort Jingle brings to Riley’s life. How much joy she brings the whole family.
Lately, I feel pulled toward putting my creativity into something else. Maybe it is time for me to go back to work as a nurse? Maybe I need to write something different? Maybe Todd will take a job doing travel pharmacy and we’ll visit you as we go across the country in short stints? Maybe we’ll go completely off the grid? Maybe we’ll move to Kalamazoo? Maybe I’ll sit by a lake at sunset and just “be” with my family.
I don’t know.
But I am feeling like I need the space to figure it out. To look inside without the distractions of checking my blog for comments, taking time to post, deleting massive amounts of spam, being addicted to the blogging process so much I’m not present in my moment, because I’m thinking about how I’ll write about it later.
This is my beautiful girl now. Ten years old. Kind and pure of heart. Almost too old for her mom to be sharing all her biz.
This is my boy. Joyful and wise beyond his years.
Dont tell him, but we’re surprising him with a puppy of his own when he turns eight next month. He’s wanted a Chihuahua for years, long before we ever started talking of a service dog for Riley. He so deserves it.
This is who we have on hold.
Seth has no idea. He thinks he has to wait ’til he’s nine, because Riley was nine when she got her dog. The thought of this surprise makes me giddy. I knew you’d want to know about it.
I asked HT if it was fair, to quit blogging when things are up in the air for us. He laughed and said jokingly,
“If they want to know what happens, they can buy the book.”
Forgive me, but I kind of like it this way. Having you envisioning us moving forward with open ended possibilites.
When you think of us, I hope you think of an imperfect woman who is really trying. A mother who loves her children fiercely, and strives to help them see their own goodness and value even as she struggles some days to see her own.
I hope you think of a kind and good man, and a joyful marriage.
I hope you picture Riley confident, and secure, coming into her own.
I hope you see Seth as the beacon of love and light he is.
I hope you imagine us always expanding, always becoming more of Who We Really Are.
I hope you know how much each and every one of you has meant to me. How much I appreciate you.
I hope you love yourself.
Thank you for being with me in this space.
Lovingly yours always,