Seth had his third IVIG infusion today and it went well. Todd made sure to get the morning off so he was there for moral support. We went at a slower rate, and even had to slow that down when I noted Seth getting antsy (which was the first sign he was having a problem last time). As soon as they lowered the rate, he was fine. He’s a little trooper and so is his sister who sat there in the tiny room for the four hours it took. (She has her iPod and snacks so it isn’t exactly torture, but it’s a long time to sit).
I am exhausted and didn’t realize how much I was “holding” as in energy, as in worry, as in the weight of the world, until after it was over and I knew he was safe. Presently, I feel like I could nap for a week. Thank you for keeping him in your thoughts and prayers.
My 40 Days program. Let’s see. They want you to keep a food diary and what I’ve discovered is I mostly eat scraps. I make the kids a meal and eat what they don’t. I rarely have a nice, present, sit down, calm meal. I am so burned out from cooking. For so many years I had to make every little morsel from scratch. And as the mom, I sit down at the table and someone needs this, and someone needs that, and someone needs to be told to chew with their mouth shut, again, and someone spills something and it is never really relaxing for me. I hate being interrupted a bunch of times while I’m eating. And HT’s schedule is so all over the place, he’s not home for dinner half the time, and Seth doesn’t like anything and dinner has become this thankless, stressful obligation, so I slap it on the table like a short order cook and eat “what’s left.”
Kind of horrid if I really think about it. I want to teach my kids to be present when they eat. I want to have lovely conversations at dinner. Is that just a Norman Rockwell pipe dream? Does anyone really do that? What I often am at dinner is annoyed. And whooped. And so I’d rather just not bother. I don’t like eating when I’m irritated (unless it’s chocolate ice cream…then full throttle baby). Or I eat late with Todd, right before bed, nachos, buttered popcorn, etc.) and there’s a bad idea for you.
So I’m thinking I have to be the grown up here, and set the tone. Involve the kids more in dinner prep. Make a prettier presentation. Let them “get” for themselves so I’m not up and down during meals. And most definitely not wait for the man of the house to be home to feed myself. I need to treat myself with as much care as I would dear friend.
Would I ever have Amy or Melinda over and offer them the scraps of leftover mac & cheese from the kids’ dinner plates? Or maybe give em’ a spoon and let them have at it right out of the pan, standing in the kitchen? Or serve them the crusts off a kid’s sandwich? Or give them a half eaten yogurt? Or a half eaten bowl of cereal?
I would not.
You know why?
Scraps are for hogs. And compost heaps. Not friends. I need to be more of a friend to myself.
I am not a hog or a compost heap.
That might be my new mantra.
Say it with me.
Lovingly yours,
MO’N
1. So glad you were all there for Seth today. I can relate to the “holding” pattern and needing to sleep afterwards. I hope you go easy on yourself today.
2. The food thing is so hard! Especially when you are cooking everything from scratch. The only way I can manage it (and Bubba is never home for dinner during the week, either) is to spend a couple of hours on Sunday planning meals for the week and doing one big grocery shop. I figure out which nights I will need the crock pot, which nights are soup and sandwich nights, and ask the kids what they want at least one night a week. They are in charge of making salads (they love the peeler and using knives) and sometimes, I spend Sunday afternoon making two or three meals ahead so all we have to do is heat them up during the week. Then we all sit down together, table set with everything we could need, and pull out the Chat Pack. It usually takes twice or three times as long to cook the meals as it does for us to eat them, but it is our ritual.
I know you’ll find yours, too.
SO glad this went well. And yes, that is a long time to wait until it’s done. I hope you see better things soon.
I respect your honesty for dinnertime – we end up just eating different meals at different times, so there’s not Rockwell dinners here either. 🙂
In terms of dinner, you reminded me of what I do to stave off irritation when I’m trying to design, and Maya is interrupting me. Many times she has no idea that I don’t want to be interrupted – she’s just being chatty. So I remember to set expectations bceause last time I checked, she wasn’t a mindreader. “I need to do work, so what I’m going to do is give you my full attention for the next two minutes. I can get you whatever you need, I can answer whatever questions you want, etc., but when two minutes is up, it will be my time to work. I’ll set a timer, and for 10 minutes, please save your questions until I take that break. Does that work for you?” That way they know that I will give them what they need and then I get what I need too.
During meals, you could say, “I want to be able to enjoy your company at dinner, so what do you think of this plan: I will get you what you need for us to sit down, and then I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes (or start at one minute, who cares where you start, right?). Everyone needs to stay seated for that amount of time. No getting up for any reason. Once the timer’s up, if you need something, let me know.”
My husband is usually the one who cooks since he only worked 10 minutes away, and I’m completely spoiled by that… next week he starts his new job 30-60 min away (car or bus, it varies) so the dinner will be on me… so I’m going to have to figure this out pretty quickly… good luck, hon. XO
I get you on the dinner front and I have worked my own way through this but I have what works for us. I find I don’t fancy eating if I have spent too long making it. So, I use the slow cooker a lot to make soups and stews. The oven has a time on it so I can put potatoes in in the morning but the oven comes on at 3.30 and we get home to bakes potatoes at 5. The same goes for pasta or rice bakes. We make a batch of tomato sauce at the weekend and it can go on pasta or rice. If you grill burgers and chop them up you wouldn’t know it wasn’t meatballs! they are good, proper burgers from the butchers! Finally, my kids love sandwiches, hummous, raw veggies and a bag of crisps between the three of them. We call it “snacky tea” and it takes minutes to get on the table. All my midweek meals take no longer than it takes to boil pasta and it is all from scratch! I make a point of getting them to lay the table and making sure it is all ready before we eat, and I eat with them. When my husband is in charge we all eat together and the food is a bit more complicated but still from scratch and delicious.
Wonderful ideas. Thank you Rebecca, Kari & Annicles! Planning ahead seems to be key.
I think part of the problem for me is also burnout from homeschooling. If I had not been with them all day already, (24/7)I might be more inclined to “feel the love” at dinner.
I am so thankful that it went well!
Re food, I bask in your presence and would eat whatever you would serve me. 🙂 Leftover mac and cheese sounds scrumptious.
Dinner drives me nuts too. What I do is make things pretty easy by Tuesdays always being a crock-pot meal (stew, bean soup, chicken and beans.) Another meal is mostly frozen stuff (Costco has organic sweet potato fries, broccoli, and not so icky breaded chicken cutlets that everyone loves) that takes no thought. Friday (formerly co-op day) is pizza or other take out. One night is leftovers. So that gives me only three other meals to think about. I keep a google calendar of what we have for dinner so I just look at that to see what we haven’t had in a while. It’s rather boring but it keeps me from stressing over it and hating everyone when they complain. I save my fun cooking for when I have company (that’s why I like having you guys over for the holidays!)
Well I am more than a little relieved Seths treatment went ok this time round!
The thing that struck me reading about the eating thing is your kids are bigger and more capable now so dish out the jobs – one lay the table with ALL necessary bits and bobs, one peel veggies etc in fact who lays the table gets to fetch an carry if there was anything extra needed. Also, I have a feeling if I suggested you feed your kids the way you feed you I’d get told what for. If you don’t look after you, who will look after all that you do?
Dear Michelle,
Living alone, my only problem with food is eating too fast and so eating too much because I’m not getting the message that I’m full. Your problem is one that the commenters are responding to beautifully. So all I’d suggest is that you have a mantra that reflects what you said you want to be: “a friend to myself.”
Peace.
We are so glad to hear that the treatment went well! We’ve been thinking of Seth and praying for his good health every day. He is such special little guy!!!! Give him a big hug for us.
Our love to all of you………
I am so over the family meal.
I am neither a hog nor a compost heap, however.
Mothers, women have been putting themselves last for… forever, I imagine. It’s an unspoken expectation that we take care of others, and if we have anything leftover for ourselves, well, we’re blessed or lucky. The power of change to stop settling for scraps and leftovers comes in recognizing how we feel when we realize our reality, what it is and what we want it to be. There’s a time and place for leftovers and scraps, and it isn’t all the time. Here’s to you!
So glad that Seth’s IVIG treatment went well. Your meal time angst is good for many different kinds of situations. Lots of good ideas from your friends. Shifts of 8-12 hours make meal time a challenge too. Love you. Hugs to all.