Standing in Another Hollywood-istic Place

Just over two hours ago I woke my husband from a sound sleep and told him I couldn’t take it anymore.

Riley had been sick all night, (tummy trouble associated with autism)and though he took the first shift, and was up ’til 2AM, by 5AM I was spent. Because not only is she sick, she can’t deal with the sensory issues of being sick, so she cries and moans, and ruminates on every bad feeling and worries and worries and worries and worries and worries, and worries and worries and worries and worries and I have spent so much time on the bathroom floor with this kid lately, flu bugs, and colds and now this, and my body is cold and achey and I lose compassion and feel the years being taken off my life because everything is just so much HARDER than it is for most, at least typical kids, and on and on, sinking my own self into despair.

And here’s the thing about Todd. I can come in and wake him when he himself has only had three hours of sleep, and I can say things any other person on the planet would judge and condemn me for. Things mothers should not say.  And he can look right through it and know my heart, and tell me he gets it, and it’s okay, and then two minutes after I cry and blow my nose and get it out, I can have him cracking up laughing…goading him to tell me whom he would tell to F off, right now if he could. And he indulges me.

And it’s after all this, I can put things in perspective, and remember the absoutely great day Riley and I had, and be grateful, so very grateful, to be her mom.

She had her first professional manicure yesterday (and I got a pedi). She was so cute reading People Magazine. Searching for Glee characters, and she found them.

She chose two glittery shades and was pleased,

“I feel like a celebrity,” she said, admiring her nails. Sorry for the blur.

Then we were hungry so we went to a restaurant, and had the good fortune to witness a man propose to his sweetheart at the very next table. We clapped! And then Riley whispered to me,

“Isn’t she a little young to be getting engaged?”

She was. Good eye Riley.

She had a gift card to Justice Just for Girls, a Christmas present from her grandparents so we went there. The ever so helpful girls who work there, asked every two minutes if they could assist us. Trying be polite and make conversation, I mentioned to one, “She has a gift card burning a hole in her pocket.”

Riley leaned in, looked the salesgirl in the eye and said, “She doesn’t mean that literally.”

She spent a nice chunk of her gift card and saved some for next time.

From there we went to Charming Charlies and she bought even more accessories, cause the girl is all about accessories lately.

I love when Riley makes up her own words, which she did here after trying on this headband, “I feel very Hollywood-istic.”


We spent less than $25.00 at Charming Charlies and she got a whole lot of bling. She even tried some of it on her dad.

So at 5AM, I might have been stretched to my cold achey limit, but I can look back several hours and stand in a another place. I know I have linked to this video before, but I do it again, because I need to be reminded of it.

Special needs kids have it harder. Special needs parents do too. But we also get the amazing highs over things parents of typicals take for granted. No one has ever been more in love with their kid than I was yesterday on our first girly girl mani pedi shopping day.

Bliss. Because a couple of years ago, she never could have stepped into a nail salon due to the smell.

Stand in another place.
Stand in another place.
Stand in another place.

In this minute, you may feel like crap, but you won’t always.

Thank you Todd. Thank you, thank you.

And Riley,

I do so love being your mom.

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12 Responses to Standing in Another Hollywood-istic Place

  1. Pixiemama says:

    And I adore you, so there’s that. When are you bringing the kids and dogs to meet Clara and Sprocket?


  2. redheadmomma says:

    “stand in another place.” Just by being you, and writing what is inside of you, even in the hard times, you give the gift of peace to me. XO R

  3. Camille says:

    Hope that Riley feels better soon. And Mom too!! Have a cup of tea and a good nap with your girl today.

  4. Mary says:

    I hope Riley feels better real soon! And Mom too 🙂


  5. Chris Vartorella says:

    I love that you are “real”… helps me alot. What a gift to have you as a friend….

  6. Kathi says:

    I so appreciate Todd, too. You know, it’s just not everybody who gets it, and who can accept where you are in that moment (the good, the bad and the ugly)– my husband does too. If anybody every overheard our conversations, God knows what they would think. I could call it the Constipation Chronicles with Lib’s GI problems. We laugh, we cry, we ruminate too, but then we get up and put one foot in front of the other again. In spite of it all, Riley really has come a long way.

  7. Carrie Link says:

    “She didn’t mean that literally,” OMHOG, how darling is she??? Your advice to stand in another place never gets old, keep saying it.

  8. Niksmom says:

    Yep. You bring me peace, too, by sharing your heart. I needed this so dearly today and I don’t think I even knew it. Stand in another place.

    I’m heading off now to do just that! xoxo

  9. Sally says:

    My Michelle. I love Riley’s extra long hair. Reminds me of someone else whose hair I coveted. You know, I have been having a pity party of sorts for myself around here. Droopy kid, too many seizures, never really knowing what’s going on in her head. I don’t feel like working out, or cleaning, or doing anything. So there you have it. Don’t know, just felt like sharing, and so glad you posted this so I don’t feel so alone in my non-typical kid world. Just be sure to tell Riley, I didn’t have my first mani-pedi until I was 37. Yes, ancient. She is very blessed indeed.

  10. Hillary says:

    Oh, this post made my heart melt. What a beautiful family you have and what an amazing mom your kids have. I’m so happy you have partner who you can honest with and loved by. Delicious.

  11. rhemashope says:

    hope you and your sweet girl are feeling better. thank you for giving us a glimpse into your mother-daughter day at the mall. she is growing so beautiful.

  12. Kario says:

    Love you. Love HT. Love Riley. And your day.

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