Too Much Togetherness

Day six of being together 24/7 in a small hotel suite. I can feel myself gasping for breath. Not literally, but I do feel a slow suffocation. I’m out of my element. We can’t go out to eat (per Seth’s health issues) and therefore I’m preparing every meal in a tiny kitchenette with no counter space. No matter where I turn, someone is in my way. I am a person who needs a lot of space. I used to fight it, worried I might be too high maintenance. I no longer apologize for needing what I need.

Yesterday, during our lunch hour, I went out to the van and did a meditation while Todd took the kids to the outside play area and let them bounce on the trampoline. The wildest thing happened.

In my meditation, the whole crew at 4 Paws, all the families and staff, became a cast of performers. We were all there, doing a play about a place that trains service dogs. We were actually taking our curtain call. The two beautiful actresses playing the kids in wheelchairs, stood up and walked, unlimited in every way, smiling huge grins as they took their bows.

The  actors who played the other children with disabilities came forth one by one to the front of the stage, radiant, clear headed, composed. 

When Riley came forward, she got rave applause, her acting was so complex, yet so subtle, and had earned the respect of the audience.

We all came forward together, the supporting actors who played the part of concerned and loving parents. The siblings took their bows. The employees at 4 Paws.

Jeremy the head trainer came out, and took his curtain call with all the dogs in class. They all bowed together and the crowd went wild.

I came out of this meditation feeling exhilarated. Like I’d gotten a glimpse of who these kids really are, beyond their physical or cognitive limitations.

This afternoon I locked myself in the bedroom in our hotel suite and did another meditation. It was not filled with imagery, just relaxation. 

Whatever comes of it, I’m better when I take the time to meditate.  I’m a kinder person, a more patient mother, a more tolerant woman. I feel better about life.

I no longer apologize for needing time to myself.

If you have high expectations of the kind of person you want to be, high maintenance is required.

15 thoughts on “Too Much Togetherness

  1. I am so glad that you take time to take care of yourself. Some of us are not so good at that.

  2. “If you have high expectations of the kind of person you want to be, high maintenance is required.”

    I’d never thought of it like this before, but it makes perfect sense.
    Thanks for sharing.

  3. “If you have high expectations of the kind of person you want to be, high maintenance is required.”

    Brilliant. I’m stealing this too–may make it my new mantra.

    And…I love Jingle!

  4. “If you have high expectations of the kind of person you want to be, high maintenance is required.”

    Brilliance on a stick.

  5. Some one said to me a LOOONG time ago, if you don’t take care of you, who will take care of those you care for? I try to remember this but it slips. thanks for bring it back.

  6. Thanks for such a great post. Today, I really needed to hear those words. Now I need to believe them and not feel guilty for needing what I need.

  7. No excuses needed for needing time to yourself. This is one of the most precious and necessary gifts we can give ourselves.

    Your meditation that saw the whole thing as a play was so spot on. If you can carry that perspective over into the tough day to day moments, it can help tremendously. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s a great practice.

    All the world’s a stage.