He’s happy because it’s our anniversary. That’s not actually why he was happy. He was stepping outside to shovel/snow blow after working from 8-4:30 and driving home in a blizzard. And yet, look….happy.
It’s a look of “If you’re going to take the picture, which there’s no way I’m stopping you, will you take the picture already, please, so I can head out the door, because I really, really need to clear our driveway, our sidewalk, and possibly the elderly man up the street’s driveway and sidewalk….but I love you so much I’ll never truly be mad at you, even when you annoy me.”
That’s what I’ve lived with for fifteen years, (and dated two long years before that….he kept me in an excruciating wait. One year dating, one year engagement, some rigid rule in his head). Who came up with all these rules?
If we had a nickel for every time he’s talked me off the ledge, we’d be wealthy by now. He’s pure good.
Our marriage has been through some trying times, but he’s always full-on there, willing to do the work to make it better. He is willing to stretch in places that are uncomfortable in order to come through on the other side.
There are things only he and I know. Dark scary places, and places of indescribable mind bending joy. He is the one person on earth who has seen it all with me. And I with him.
One time when I was single, I sat by the water in Georgetown at night, looking up at the sky, feeling lonely. It was a Friday night and things were happening. I’d just walked past a street performer doing flip after acrobatic flip after flip. The night was alive.
As I looked up at the sky in this city by myself, I felt a longing for someone I didn’t know. I’m tempted to think it was a knowing, a longing for Todd, the person who would love me. The one I would share my life with. It’s as if, I could actually feel him out there, our destinies heading toward each other. I was young and believed another would actually complete me.
What I found is not that. I found a person who loves me. Who helps me to not to be so hard on myself. Who can’t do it for me, but who gives me the opportunity to complete myself. He has loved me so well. He has helped me heal. He has shown me what true love, unconditional love is.
He doesn’t waver. I’m so thankful.
Happy anniversary, Love. We’re just getting started. Amen.