Craving

In the kitchen. A lot.

Breakfast today: It was homemade yogurt with fruit. I put honey and vanilla in the yogurt, then some cinnamon, and added frozen fruit to Riley’s, a homemade spice muffin crumbled into Seth’s. He didn’t love it, but he ate it. Most of it.

That’s right. Making my own yogurt. It’s pretty easy actually. Making our own everything. Todd was off for a few days and he really busted his butt in the kitchen, making three different kinds of muffins, and lots of other stuff too. He really appreciates what I do, and that is so vital to being able to pull this specific carb diet off. Support, man. It’s everything.

Seth ate two tablespoons of salad today. Seth has never eaten salad before. He eats broccolli and peas and carrots, but not lettuce. He’s trying a much wider variety of foods lately. He’s starving half the time when he insists on being picky, so then hunger works in my favor at the next meal. I feel for him.

Tonight I am craving my popcorn. I’m craving my ice cream. Luckily I rid our house of these items a couple of weeks ago.

I read somewhere recently (and have no idea where, sorry) that toxins are stored in fat. So when you lose weight, you start to release toxins, so your body craves in an effort to help you. It wants you to not have to deal with all those pesky toxins circulating through and so it sends you to the cupboard or freezer to get you to keep those pounds on. Your craving means well, but it doesn’t really serve you. You’d do much better to drink a lot of water. Maybe take something for liver support.

Tomorrow Riley has another shadow day at the school we looked at for her last month. The one she wound up having a hard time at because she panicked when they gave her a math worksheet. Our girl has been through six schools in her short life. When we first pulled her out it was so overwhelming. By the time we got tutors, I was so burned out and tired. I really didn’t care what they were doing as long as she was safe. I needed the break. I knew she was advanced academically. She needed to coast and so did I.

Lately however, I feel I have my strength back. I’m looking around and knowing she is capable of so much more than we are currently expecting of her. I am not a very structured person, and I think she needs structure. She’s the kind that would loll around in her PJ’s for weeks if I let her. If there is no routine, she is Spacey Stacy. Super smart, super sweet, Spacey Stacy.

What do I really crave?

I crave a learning environment for my daughter that will challenge her and nurture her and help her to achieve her FULL potential. I crave some stability. I want to know she’ll be okay this year, and next year and the year after that, and not subject to the skill or lack of it of any particular teacher. I want her teachers to really see her, and love her. I want love of the child to be a requirment in the job description. I want her teachers to understand fully that she is also their teacher. I want her to just become more and more of who she is. I want her to learn unafraid.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I have given up thinking I know how it is all supposed to unfold.

But I crave.

I do.