The BS Hustle for Worthiness

Today I watched a DVD of a talk by Brene’ Brown, titled The Hustle for Worthiness. It made me think about some things. So often, home with kids more by default, not necessarily by choice(at least at first), I feel like I should be doing more. Doing something “important,” or at least more impressive. It’s not enough to be raising two children, homeschooling them, dealing with a multitude of special needs issues, etc. I should also be an author (a best selling one, of course). I should be an uber blogger. I should be making lots of money. My house should also be perfectly decorated, and always clean and tidy. My body should be perfect too. No fat. No sag. Toned, baby. And I should always be loving and calm with all children, pets and others who cross my path.

Why?

Would I feel worthy then? And worthy of what? Validation from those on the outside looking in? Because the people on the inside don’t care.

Why do I ever, even for a second, take time and energy away from my precious ones, …to ruminate about what I should be when I’m already enough to those who actually love me.

So let me let you in on a little secret. My house is a freaking mess. Every room has its share of mess. I will never be able to stay on top of it, and I often give up. I found cat poop in the basement yesterday, and I looked the other way…because I did not have a drop of energy left to deal with it. HT cleaned it up this morning. Bless his heart.

Here’s another one. I have wonderful ideas about decorating, but do not have the funds to do so, and I am sometimes embarrassed about my house, and want to qualify for guests (or photos on the blog) this is not my wallpaper, I plan on changing this paint color, it was like this when we bought it…going to replace it someday, and on and on. So many blogs are so pretty. Everyone’s houses are so cute. Cept’ mine. Oh the shame.

Then there’s this….I still can’t figure out what to do about Seth. He’s got a huge flare of tics going on, and I worry he’s not getting the help he needs because he isn’t a squeaky wheel. I lose sleep over this. Something isn’t right. I feel so overwhelmed so much of the time dealing with the complexities of my childrens’ health issues.

What if I just put these feelings out there, and love myself though them? I am after all, a mom who will decorate her face with a Crayola Washable marker at lunch, just to see her kids smile. I do lots of other good stuff too but I’m not going to list them; not going to “hustle for worthiness” today.

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

Let it be.

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13 Responses to The BS Hustle for Worthiness

  1. Courtney says:

    You are enough. You are more than enough.

  2. Chris Vartorella says:

    Yes you are!!!! The honesty is priceless!!!!!!!

  3. GB's Mom says:

    Thanks for your honesty. Everything you said is true about me. Praying for Seth…

  4. Amanda says:

    Big hug for Seth!

    HUGE hug for you – you’re one of the bravest people I know…. and there’s ALWAYS something more important than housework!

    Loveya! :)

  5. Alexis Yael says:

    So, so, so true! I’m sharing this on Facebook because I think it speaks so well to bo
    the beating up we do of ourselves as bloggers/ artists/ (special needs) moms. (Brene’s work is so amazing.)

    Plus, I like moustaches! LOL

  6. Michelle O'Neil says:

    LOL. Half way through writing this post I realized the moustache was still on, so I figured, what the hell.

  7. -e- says:

    Well, before the flattering facial hair, you perhaps weren’t quite enough, but now you are perfect.

  8. Wanda says:

    Take your age and add about 12 years. Subtract two wonderful kids who require a lot of energy and attention because of their “issues” and add a long health battle. You just wrote about my life, too.

    We are enough. And you are wonderful…so what does that say about me?

    :)

  9. Annicles says:

    It is so hard to stop and think for a moment of everything that one does do instead of all the things that you don’t. However, I don’t beleive for one moment that when your kids are grown up they’ll say “Thank goodness mum decorated the house so beautifully”. They may well say “Thank goodness mum never stopped trying to work out how best to help us.”

  10. Carrie Link says:

    You are more than enough, if you were any more it would be overkill. : )

  11. amber says:

    I agree with all here– you always amaze me! Knowing you can ignor basement cat poop just makes me love you more.

    Also, the first thing I thought when I saw this picture was, “wow, she is really beautiful”. No kidding. Great lips! Great skin! Beautiful eyes… and the fake stash just sorta turns me on.

    :)

  12. kario says:

    Ditch the “shoulds.”

    Keep the markers. And the kids. And HT.

    And personally, I prefer walking into houses that are messy. It makes me feel more comfortable, and trusted, and relaxed. I decided a long time ago that I’d rather have friends who feel comfortable coming in and putting their feet up on the coffee table than perching daintily on the side of the couch and worrying about spilling. If I have a messy house, they can feel free to lounge without care.

    Love.

  13. Jerri says:

    You are enough Michelle. AND you are SO much more than enough.