Secret Instructions

We had a better day today. Todd sent me to my room, and didn’t allow me to come down until he was headed to work at 12:30. He did “school” today. Riley had a wonderful playdate this afternoon at our house with a dear friend from school. They made snowmen and had dinner together and played Littlest Pet Shops and really hugged it out when it was time to say good-bye. She has so many more successes than failures, truly.

I do too, as her mother.

One of the perks of being homeschooled is she gets to stay up later than her brother. A whole hour. She has to read or do something quiet in her room, but she just loves this new freedom. Tonight when I came in to turn off the light I found her already asleep with this book in her hand. 

Something about it really moved me. This girl who tries so very hard.

We talked it through last night. I told her how I get worried when she screams and cries like that in public, because I get afraid people won’t be able to see how wonderful she is, won’t be able to really know what a beautiful person she is, might be afraid to be friends with her because of it.

Her response was, “Yeah, and I get worried of falling behind.”

Her fear, just as rational to her as mine is to me.

We lay on her bed a long time and talked, heart to heart. No question about the love between us.

No solutions.

No answers.

No big “aha” to ensure it will never happen again.  

No secret instructions.


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11 Responses to Secret Instructions

  1. Jerri says:

    Ahhh, for the days we still believed the secret instructions might be available somewhere…somehow.

  2. Amanda says:

    So glad you both found your level again, and three cheers for HT, daddy with the mostest!

  3. Kim says:

    Love that photo-how perfect. So glad you got the chance to chill before starting the next day. Truly wonderful when your partner “gets it” like that!

    Hope you have a good weekend!

  4. pixiemama says:

    You know, I wish we all had the secret instructions. Secret instructions on how to mother all kinds of children. Secret instructions on how to keep swimming.

    Instead, all we seem to have is each other. Thank WHOEVER for that.


  5. Wanda says:

    And life goes on.

    Blessings to all the O’Ns.

  6. Carrie Link says:

    No secret instructions, you’re right, just sacred agreements.

    Have you tried the Bach Flower Rescue Remedy to help with anxiety?

  7. naomi says:

    Doesn’t it feel so luxurious to be in your bedroom in the day time?! My favorite!
    You have a sweet friendship with Riley.
    Is it possible that she is trying to follow a teacher’s instructions about not falling behind and interpreted the message as “It is a terrible thing to Fall Behind.”?

  8. drama mama says:

    I use the Bach Rescue Remedy in pastilles – a sort of gummy canday – for stress. The girls love them. Good suggestion, Carrie.

    Photo is so sweet.

  9. Amanda says:

    Drama are they actually called Bach Flower remedy pastilles? Do you get them in a chemist or a health food shop? Could try those with my girls

  10. kario says:

    I love those books. That they are designed for girls to read on their own and share with their parents is such a treasure and the fact that you guys talked about the rough day was so terrific. As my friend Becky says, “You and Bubba love those girls so much and are so present in their lives. The fact that you are ‘human’ from time to time and don’t have all the answers doesn’t mean you are going to mess them up. No possible way.”


  11. amber says:

    Her sweet little hand kills me. *sigh* Still such a little girl. 🙂

    Tonight I made Wyatt cry. I made something for dinner he didn’t dig. In fact, he gagged. And it hurt my feelings, because I really wanted him to like it. (It IS all about me, after all.)So I told him so, in a tone of voice that hurt him. And he cried because he felt bad for hurting my feelings. And the THAT pissed me off…And I am a shithead.

    So I went to him after a few minutes, and I told him that we all have a right to our feelings. I did have a right to have hurt feelings about the dinner…But I also knew he was NOT trying to hurt my feelings. And HE had a right to say that to me– “hey mom, I am not TRYING to hurt your feelings, just because I don’t like this food.” (hello?) And he had a right to feel bad if he felt missunderstood. And no matter what, we have love between us, and we will always be okay if we love one another, no matter what we have to say.

    …This mom gig is not easy, even if you really WANT to do it right all the time. And I do want that. And you want that…And that should count for something, huh?

    No doubt of the love between you. Yes. That counts for a lot.


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