We have been having an awesome summer.
Riley and Seth had so much fun at music camp, and Todd and I got to have a little bit of time together without the kids for a couple of hours in the mornings. A rare treat, let me tell you! I’d been having a hard time for a while, but my hormones are back in balance and I feel good. Riley combed her hair by herself the other day. First time ever. She just could never figure out where her body was in space before. She was not able to do it. She’d get so upset trying, making her hair a mess, and then two days ago, she just did it! Like it was nothing. Like she’d been combing her own hair all along.
Seth has learned to pump on the swing. Almost eight and he just could never get it before. It was the one physical thing Riley had sole bragging rights to over him. She is happy for him though, and now the two of them swing and swing and swing as long as I let them.
Energy is definitely shifting here for the O’Neils. Things are happening. Folks, I’m not going to be blogging much longer. I just feel a change coming. Like I need to open up a space for something else. I don’t know what it is, but I feel it. Like it’s right there.
Friday we went to visit my friend Lidi in her amazing little sleepy lake community, hidden just off highway 306.
What you don’t see in the picture below is the pile of mud Riley has hidden in her right hand.
She’s stealthily about to try something new.
It’s called being mean.
She sweetly called Seth over to the ladder, and when he started up it, she splatted the whole side of his face with mud. He was furious. Mud even got in his ear.
Immediately I called her over to where I stood on the sandy beach, and asked her, “What would possess you to do that to him?”
Inwardly I’m thinking, “He has been nothing but kind and patient and loving and sweet to you his WHOLE life!! @)()@#_)$”
Riley sat in the water, staring at the wet sand she’d starting dripping hand to hand, muttering “Well…well….well…well…well…”
I told her to apologize and she ramped it up,” WELL… WELL… WELL… WELL… WELL!!”
I forced her to look at her brother, who sat all folded in on himself, dejected.
“Riley, how do you think he feels right now?” She glanced up quick, then turned away. Couldn’t deal with it.
“Seth, how do you feel?” I asked. She was going to hear this.
“What else? What’s behind mad?”
“Sad,” he said, head down.
“That’s right, sad is always behind mad,” I said to Riley.
“WELL! WELL! WELL! WELL! WELL!”
It was time to leave, so I decided to address it later. Made sure Seth knew I saw it, and this wasn’t finished, but we had to gather up things and get going.
Within twenty minutes Riley had apologized. Had I dug my heels in, it would have been a big ugly meltdown, and I would have been fried for the ride home.
Talking to her later, she explained, “Girls are supposed to be mean,” and “Girls are always mean to boys and they don’t apologize,” and how on the TV show iCarly, “so & so is mean to so & so, and she never apologizes, and how she felt like maybe “she didn’t know how to be a girl right, and how she wishes she could be a boy instead” because it’s so confusing and makes her so mad when girls are mean.
It’s as if she were trying on “mean” for size.
We talked and talked about how anyone who is feeling connected with their Source would never be mean to anyone. How when people feel separate and alone, or threatened it sometimes causes them to act out in mean ways. How meanness is not a natural state for anyone, and how no one is “supposed” to act that way, even if many do. Even if they do it on iCarly. Girls are not designed to be mean. Girls are feminine and sacred at their core. When people are mean, they are actually very afraid and lost.
Riley seemed relieved after our talk.
Because this mean thing? She really doesn’t have it in her.
(Riley, Lidi, Seth, Jingle and Lidi’s dog Gus)